So here i am, twenty one, young ,
naive, and full of denial, maybe foreveralone, haha!
Anyway, what I meant for full of denial includes the denial of who am i, how evil i am, how
annoying, and weak. Maybe i’m not maybe i am, i dont know, but i’m sure that whatever it is, i’m dennying the fact just now.
A year ago, i’ve promissed myself for being a good youngster, and being
more carefull. The good thing is, i’ve been being lot more careful. But I failed to be a good
youngster. I instead turning worse, and I blamed life and other people for it.
It sounds so dramatizing I believe, well, maybe
it is. And it reminds me how I used to say that to my friend that it was my
director’s obsession. Haha!
Well, after all, I learned so much things about
life this year. How life can be so disappointing, why we are not gifted with so
much powers, about the sheep covered in the fur of the wolf, and some people, a
bad one, who are I believe actually the victim of hate. And at last, I believe
that sometimes life is not fair. Yes, I know and I believe that God is Fair,
that’s what my religion said. Well god is fair, but life is not. Simply go to
the crossroad and you can see how life is not fair to those children have to
live their life there. And tell me that I’m wrong.
And about me failing to be a good youngster, I
don’t know. I’ve tried. I’ve promised to myself over and over to be that good
person. But every time I heard that annoying words, things that I hate to
death, I turned myself again into the evil one, and It’s becoming more and more
powerful now. I can not fight it, and that’s why I said I’m weak. I can even
beat my own self. I may need some help though.
And I believe that people who believe that I’m not that bad, people who can see
me the way most people don’t is the help I need. Well, maybe asking for people
is too much, then a person is good enough. And that’s what I actually expect
from you, yes you! But you failed to give me that.
Fiuhh~
I guess that’s enough crap of me I wrote at
this post. I am twenty one years old now. It ‘s time for me to run for my
dream. To chase any targets I’ve made, including being a good youngster. A good
man. I really wish I can do that. So God, I really believe you can see what I’m
writing here, you can even read in from my mind, and so again,
“ Please, help me to be a good man “
just for your information ya, my classmate hendro, what people talk about you lately was a little bit different from th past. people talk about the good point of yours, not like before, they/we often talk about ur evilside. so i think ure not that fail as u thought.
ReplyDeletethanx for the info then
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